EPISODE #5 (At the half way mark of our first series!)

Welcome to It Stops With Me, the show that is not afraid to talk about the challenging topics relating to Domestic Violence. Your host, Amy-Lee Farr, will talk about the forgotten victims of DV.
I'll discuss the ins and outs of prevention, and wow, this is a big topic. We'll only scratch the surface today, but at least we will start the conversation.

Plus, (as always)we have a special gift for our listeners; be sure to listen all the way through for the details!
Links Mentioned in the show:

Women's "True You" Online Free Workshop Starts Monday, October 4 via Email - register your interest Register right here
Youtube non-affiliated link for a guided free children's meditation for healing https://youtu.be/TFkR7CjVd9U
www.nctsn.org - The National Child Traumatic Stress Network Factsheet from today's show
https://www.facs.nsw.gov.au/domestic-violence/about/effects-of-dv-on-children
https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/domviolence/impact/children-youth/
https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/domestic-violence-form-child-abuse-identification
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/mbaustralia)

It Stops With Me is sponsored by IVROSE - 5TH ANNIVERSARY SALE, SITEWIDE 15% OFF, Buy 3 Get 4th 40% OFF, Buy 4 Get 5TH 50% OFF, Buy 5 Get 6TH 60% OFF.

1. Who Are the Forgotten Victims of DV?

1 in 4 children is exposed to domestic violence.

(Australian Domestic and Family Violence Clearinghouse 2011, The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children: A Literature Review)

1 in 3 women Will experience DV between the age of 15 to 65. Of those women who experience domestic and family violence, more than 50% have children in their care.

Domestic and family violence was the most commonly reported issue to the Department of Communities and Justice (DCJ) for children at risk of significant harm in 2010, with more than 20,000 reports received.

Domestic and family violence is also the leading cause of homelessness for children in Australia.
The impact of domestic and family violence on children is immense and can often affect them for the rest of their lives.

Children and young people don't have to see the violence to be affected by it.
Studies have shown an overlap between violence towards women and violence towards children of at least 40 per cent (Straus, Gelles and Steinmetz 1980; Hughes 1988).

Some children who witness domestic violence are also victims of abusive behaviour. A large number of children are physically, sexually abused in violent homes. Sixty-eight per cent of the women surveyed in a recent study said their children had suffered at the hands of the perpetrator.

Of these, 68 per cent reported their children physically abused, 70 per cent reported emotional abuse, and 8 per cent reported sexual abuse. Research in the United States has also shown that the rate of child abuse and neglect of children in violent homes is fifteen times greater than the national average (Peled and Davis 1992).

In a New Zealand study, Church (1984) stated that half of the children surveyed had to be protected by their mother during the confrontation.

2. The Effects DV Has on Children and Young People

I’m reading from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network Factsheet - www.nctsn.org.
Studies show that living with domestic violence can cause physical and emotional harm to children and young people in the following ways:

• ongoing anxiety and depression
• emotional distress
• eating and sleeping disturbances
• physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomach aches
• find it hard to manage stress
• low self-esteem
• self-harm
• be aggressive towards friends and schoolmates
• feel guilt or blame themselves for the violence
• have trouble forming positive relationships
• develop phobias and insomnia
• struggle with going to school and doing school work
• use bullying behaviour or become a target of bullying
• difficulty concentrating
• find it hard to solve problems
• have less empathy and caring for others
• Young people exposed to domestic and family violence are more likely to:
• suffer from depression
• be homeless
• abuse drugs and alcohol
• engage in risk-taking behaviours
• experience or use violence and be controlling and manipulative in relationships

Sometimes being exposed to domestic and family violence isn’t just a matter of witnessing it. Children and young people are often physically hurt during violent episodes, either accidentally or deliberately.

Children and young people need to grow up in a secure and nurturing environment. Domestic or family violence exists, the home is unsafe or closed, and children are scared about what might happen to them and the people they love.

Effects of violence on children by age:

• In utero - An unborn child may be injured in the womb due to violence aimed at the mother’s abdomen or suffer from exposure to drugs or alcohol that a mother may use to cope with stress.
• Babies - An infant exposed to violence may have difficulty developing attachments with their caregivers and, in extreme cases, suffer from failure to thrive.
• Toddler - A preschooler’s development may be affected, and they can suffer from eating and sleep disturbances.
• Child - A school-aged child may struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and emotional stability.
• Teenager - An adolescent may be at higher risk of substance misuse or of either perpetrating or becoming a victim of dating violence

3. Prevention is Better Than Cure

Procedures to raise awareness of the effects on children who witness domestic violence victims are necessary to lessen the long-term harmful effects. The National Strategy for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect, developed for the National Child Protection Council (Calvert 1993), is specifically concerned with changing attitudes, beliefs and behaviours.

In the first instance, this involves primary prevention programs such as community education campaigns involving the use of the mass media, education through the publication of information packages, pamphlets and videos, and school programs for children.

Another school program, called Preventing Abuse in Relationships (PAIR), is targeted at adolescents, and its main objectives are:

• to highlight the relevance of violence in relationships to young people by exploration of violence in dating relationships;
• to raise awareness of the nature and extent of violence against girls and women in relationships; to increase the understanding of students of the effects of domestic violence and dating violence;
• to educate young people to be aware of the unacceptable nature of violence and abusive actions by men/boys against women/girls to end/preventing the prevalence of these actions;
• to encourage girls to be aware of the indicators of violence and to take steps to prevent themselves from being at risk of this violence;
• to assist students in gaining an understanding of how stereotyped expectations of men and women contribute to domestic violence and thus encourage attitudes and skills that will enable them to develop non-violent, equitable relationships;
• and to familiarise students with resources available to them, their families, and friends (Domestic Violence Crisis Centre 1992).

A program similar to the PAIR program would also benefit older primary school children who are at a stage in their cognitive development to confront the issues of violence in their own families and could be built into existing personal safety programs.
Children between the ages of 8 and 12 are at a stage when intervention could be successful before the impact of violent role modelling has become entrenched in their behavioural and social-learning processes.

4. True You Workshop

Is this your life story? Year after year, you make the same resolutions, weight loss goals, have the same parties, make the same old jokes, rant on the same old stuff, complain about the same old job, and get the same paycheque.

The same year is running over and over again like a broken record.

Have you ever stop and question yourself, "When is all this gonna stop?" "When am I going to live the life that I deserve finally."

There are only two ways about it. To continue the same plot or to completely rewrite your storey this new year.

But just imagine for a while...

• Imagine having absolute power rewriting the script of your life - your BEST LIFE, that is.
• Imagine having an abundance of money to do what you genuinely love to do
• Imagine having the absolute confidence to crush any problems and hardship in your life...
• Imagine being able to succeed no matter that no failure could touch or influence you...
• What kind of life would you live?
• How would you spend your time?
• What kind of hobbies or activities would you do?
• Where would you be or live?
• But most importantly, what would that version of you look like?
• What kind of a person are they?
  

That, my friend, is the person you need to be to live the life that you've imagined.
But to be that version of yourself is a journey that not many people want to walk.
But just between you and me, I can tell you that it is possible to achieve that, and it's easier than you'd think.

What I'm about to reveal to you will contain the strategy you need to completely transform yourself into your "ideal version" and live the life of your dream.

The question is, are you willing?

But since you're here reading this, I know you're one of the rare few people who are hungry to transform your life.

So without further a due...Allow me to introduce you to True You, Women's Virtual Workshop.

If you would like to register your interest in this proposed workshop, head to the registration page here --> Register Your Interest The workshop is still in its creation phase, so if you register that you'd like to know more, it'll help us to gauge if it's worthwhile for you!

5. PLEASE SEND SOME LOVE OUR WAY

If you loved this episode, please subscribe on Spotify, Google Podcasts or iTunes and be so very kind to leave us a review. Each review goes into the monthly draw to win a $50 Amazon gift card!

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The finale: last tidbits on helping children through DV

So there you have it… We hope talking more about the forgotten victims of DV has helped you understand the children you meet or work with more, as well as your children and their behaviours and feelings, and it was consumable. You can take prompt action as you embark on creating your best life because you are enough!

We promised you a Special gift, and we always like to deliver what we promise!

In this Pack, you'll find a:

• The podcast Transcript - ebook styles
• A cheat sheet on How to live a more meaningful and contented life by embracing your flaws,
• An imperfect mindmap for all of my neurodiverse siblings out there!
• An Imperfect Resources ebook with loads of resources for you to check out for free

To grab your freebies from today's show, just click the download button below!

Next week, we'll continue to help you understand domestic violence; the topic is post-separation abuse. Helping you to understand how DV doesn’t always start or stop once you have left the relationship! Be sure to catch that episode; it’s going to be a doozie!